I was eventually diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder early 2019… But i’m not a soldier with shell shock right? Or someone whose been through an awful experience such as 911, loss of a parent, or an RTA etc. But yes, I still do have PTSD.
Little did I know, PTSD was the diagnosis and overall reason for most of my previous mental health problems. It’s hard to believe I actually have PTSD. I’ve been previously miss diagnosed with my symptoms of anxiety, depression, panic disorder, eating disorders; and all involved thought treating those would sort me out.
Mental health is tough to diagnose, as most symptoms fall under an umbrella category, and most of the time, they come eclectically. Sometimes I didn’t believe it, and I just thought of it as another label. Other people have been through worse, I haven’t seen what they have. I didn’t do what they did… but I experienced trauma in my own unfortunate way.
When you suffer with PTSD, its normal to forget, or not believe what happened actually happened. We can push it down, or turn it round to meet our views and perspectives. But the trauma itself is the reason for my poor views and perceptions…
To truly solve my worry, is to truly face my fears. And during my journey, I have come to terms with accepting my diagnosis, and I will re-live, sort out and amend my connections to the memory/emotions surrounded them.
My trauma will always be a part of my life.
I’m just grateful that through EMDR, I can still live as myself, with my memories that made me who I am, but to be able to cope on a day to day basis, living in the moment instead of in my head, 20+ years ago, is the most perfect thing and I will forever be grateful to my incredible therapists, family and support system forever. ❤